Hey, read this post by my friend Tim Adour - because I said so! -bkr-
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I have 2 grown kids. One is married; the other is in graduate school. The phrase “because I said so” is long gone from my quiver of parental expressions. In fact, I’m sitting here with a smile on my face trying to imagine the response if I were to try to resurrect that term. My son is 6’ 2” and has muscles I don’t. My daughter is just like her old man. She would respond the same way I would if someone said this to me. Bottom line…I’d be wasting my breath.
Why would my kids reject being spoken to that way? Obviously, they’re adults, living their own lives, and have moved past the stage where I can dictate their actions. I am sure I used that phrase far more than I should have with my kids, but am absolutely sure it is used inappropriately by leaders in organizations, and I think I know why.
In my opinion, the leader’s insecurity is one of the reasons for a dictatorial attitude and expressions of dominance. We are asked “why” and instead of answering the question we view the question as an affront to our authority and fire back some form of “because I said so.” And here’s the really interesting part…we can’t figure out why we’re constantly dealing with resistance. We will chide those who report to us for insubordination, but fail to look at the way we talk to them. We will lament the lack of initiative by our followers, but don’t realize our words and tone subvert initiation.
We could list plenty of psychological and scriptural principles that speak to treating our followers properly, but I’m kind of a no nonsense type of guy. So, here is what I say to myself. Hey stupid, you’re talking to adults. Stop treating them like children because even children don’t like being told “because I said so.”
We (well, at least I) can use the reminder (from time to time) that respect and goodwill get more done than demanding and intimidation.
Pastor Tim Adour
Church of the Revelation,
The Bronx, NY
