"He only profits from praise who values criticism." Heinrich Heine
"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger." Franklin P. Jones
I've had my critics. And I've been one to others. And while I just spoke in the past tense, I should also speak in the present tense. I have critics and I am a critic.
I've had some critics who just did not like me. They didn't like my leadership. My approaches. My perspectives. My preferences. For most of us (but not all!!!) we want people to like us. When someone doesn't like you - that is HARD. When they criticize you - that HURTS.
Now, there are some people who are seriously at risk when it comes to criticism.
It is those who are excessively narcissistic and those who are really insecure. Their self-esteem is shaky and dependent on the affirmation of others.They need continual encouragment to feel good about who they are. Their self-identity rests too much on the praise of others. They fish for compliments. They present an image they believe others will like. They make decisions based on popularity. Public image and positive press is everything. When a leader is like that - there is a train wreck, of their own making, waiting to happen.
And it will happen. For criticism is inevitable.
For this kind of leader - criticism, even when it is from a friend, is well-meaning and is designed to be constructive - is DEVASTATING, DAMAGING . . . even DESTRUCTIVE.
While all of us have identity issues, self-esteem issues and insecurity issues - even when those things are about "average" in intensity - criticism is still hard.
When was the last time you were criticized? What was that like? How did you feel? How did you respond?
There are some things they don't teach us in school… or even at church for that matter. We aren't taught or trained in being a human person and in dealing with real life. Which would certainly involve classes in the fine art of being critical and being criticized. You won't give or receive criticism without some good guidance and some mentored "practice."
How would you like this for an assignment.
Number One:
Go find three people and give them honest, accurate critical feedback. Be gentle, positive, constructive, and dialogical (i.e. meaning a dialogue/conversations and not a monologue/declaration - after all, your critical opinion may not be completely accurate). One must be a family member, one must be a friend and one must be a co-worker. For extra credit - a fourth person would be your boss.
Number Two:
Go find three people and ask them to prepare a one page report that has the best critical feedback that would be most helpful for your personal and professional growth. Collate the results. Write a developmental plan. Implement the plan immediately. For extra credit - be generous and grateful for the feedback as you first read it.
"Few people have the wisdom to prefer the criticism that would do them good to the praise that deceives them." Francois de La Rochefoucauld
"We need very strong ears to hear ourselves judged frankly, and because there are few who can endure frank criticism without being stung by it, those who venture to criticize us perform a remarkable act of friendship, for to undertake to wound or offend a man for his own good is to have a healthy love for him." Michel de Montaigne
Do you want to do something really extraordinary? Those two "imaginary assignments" I whimsically wrote above - why not try them.
Brian Rice
Leadership ConneXtions International
BrianRice@lcileaders.org
p.s. If you don't include me in your list of "possible people" to criticize, I won't put you on my list...
